***WARNING: SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED ALL EPISODES THROUGH SEASON 5 OF GAME OF THRONES, BOOKMARK THIS ISSUE OF THE GEEKY BUGLE AND GO WATCH THEM! DON’T WORRY, I’LL WAIT***
As the days grow longer and warmer, flowers bloom and baron trees come back to life we know that spring is here, but make no mistake my friends; winter is coming. Game of Thrones is the best show on TV right now, so rather than cram my preview into one article that would be longer than the books; I found it only fitting to break it down into three parts. If you missed part 1 of my preview read it here.
The southern six kingdoms have carried much of the bulk of the story for the first five seasons. Consisting of the Reach, the Vale, the River lands, the Storm lands, Casterly Rock, Kings Landing and Dorne this land has been full of turmoil since the death of King Robert Baratheon, and has been the most fought over territory in the show. Many people have died trying to sit on the Iron Throne, which I don’t really understand, that thing looks uncomfortable as hell.
Before diving into the bulk of the happenings of season five, I want to take a moment to talk about the Vale, and more importantly its Lord, Petyr Baelish. Littlefinger has shown he is a master manipulator and is one of the best characters in Game of Thrones. He spends the entire series playing both sides of the war, while the whole time rising to greater power. He uses Sansa Stark as a political pawn to try to secure an alliance with the Boltons, while also ensuring the Queen that he is loyal to the Iron Throne. He has proven himself to be the best player of the great game this side of Tyrion, and when it’s all said and done he might just win the whole damn thing.
The center of the world of Westeros and all the poetic political intrigue it provides is King’s Landing. In season 5, a time of change was brought upon the home of the Iron Throne, in the form of a religious civil uprising. Engineered by the High Sparrow, this uprising of religious zealots gained steam with the backing of Cersei Lannister herself. Hoping that making the High Sparrow the High Septon and the reinstitution of the Faith Militant would put pressure on Queen Margery, because Margery’s brother is a well known homosexual, this plan backfired on Cersei, as many of her plans tend to do. She may share her half man brother’s name, but she does not share his intelligence. Cersei eventually found herself locked in the cells beneath the Great Sept of Baelor, after her first cousin Lancel Lannister, confessed that she had committed incest with him. It is unknown if Lancel told her about the incest with Jaime as well, that woman REALLY loves her family. Margery was imprisoned as well, having lied under oath during her brother’s trial. Meanwhile poor innocent Tommen was just sitting there with his cat, without the knowledge or testicular fortitude to do what was necessary to free his mother and his Queen. Cersei found her way to freedom however confessing to her crimes with Lancel and agreeing to make the walk of shame. This walk was easily one of the most powerful scenes of season five. Lena Headey was able to convey strength in the beginning, shame and powerlessness in the middle and pure terrifying anger at the end all without having to say a word. I truly feel bad for whoever is about to get in this woman’s way.
Will Cersei exact her revenge on the High Sparrow and the Faith Militant? Will Margery be freed from the prison where she currently resides? Will Tommen finally man up and become a King, or will he simply continue to be a pawn in his mother’s chess game? The Cersei we saw at the end of season five and in the trailers is a pissed off woman the likes of which I hope to never have to cross paths with. They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and I believe with the Zombie Mountain at her side the High Sparrow is going to discover this first hand. In the first trailer we got a shot of Cersei saying “I choose violence”, and luckily for us violence is what she’ll get.
While Cersei was being outwitted by an old man who doesn’t wear shoes, Jaime went to Dorne with Braun on a secret mission to bring home his incestuous daughter Myrcella. Why you would send one of the most well known men, with a golden hand, in the Kingdom to pull off a secret mission I don’t know. Did I mention Cersei is terrible at this? Anyway he and Braun went on the mission in what I had hoped would be a fun swashbuckling adventure and the start of a beautiful bromance. What we got unfortunately was one of the most disappointing storylines of season five. Dorne was a rare miss by the show runners. The plan was poorly executed and the setting was unfulfilling, I mean, I literally think like 9 people live in Dorne. While trying to bring Myrcella home, the two encountered Prince Oberyn’s daughters, the Sand Snakes and his mourning paramour Ellaria Sand. When Braun and Jaime were captured, they met with Oberyn’s much less vengeful brother Doran. Knowing that a war against the Lannisters might be unwinnable and would only bring death to his land, Doran brokered a peace agreement. Myrcella would return home with he betrothed and Doran’s son, Trystane, who would serve on the King’s Small Council. So with Myrcella going home all ended well right? Hell no, this is Game of Thrones people! While Doran was willing to broker peace, Ellaria only wanted revenge and through a strange but innocent enough goodbye kiss with Myrcella, revenge is what she got. While this storyline as a whole was convoluted and poorly executed it did give us one of the most touching scenes of the season. Myrcella revealed that she not only knew, but was proud of the fact that he was her Father. After this beautiful moment between a father and his daughter, Myrcella succumbed to the poison that Ellaria passed along to her by way of that goodbye kiss, seemingly dying in her father’s arms.
Will Jaime be out for blood against the people of Dorne over the death of his daughter? Will Ellaria be punished for disobeying Prince Doran’s commands? Will Braun continue to aid Jaime, or is this not his fight? Exactly how fucked is Trystane? I mean, what happened to Theon might look like a trip to the day spa compared to what’s about to happen to that poor kid. I believe in season 6 we will be getting full, evil Jaime back. He seems to by all accounts be getting back with his sister (gross), and will be more vengeful than ever. The Lannisters will be out for blood this season, and it will either lead to their triumph, or ultimately to their downfall.
Well that’s it for this week’s issue of the Geeky Bugle my fellow Geeks. Join me next week to see where we travel too, same Clock Dodger Time, same Clock Dodger channel.